32 replies to this topic

[Hundley]

awesome news!!! i just got accepted into the illuminati!!!! i had been applying for years and they finally accepted me. i had this really weird initiation earlier today that involved blood and a goat(LOL dont ask) and now i'm a full fledged member!! i even got a really cool ring to show for it. it has a bunch of latin shit on it and i don't know what it means, so i'm going to look it up and find out.

i've got my first meeting in a few minutes in an old abandoned train station. i'm so excited!!! i'll let you all know how it turns out!!!


so are you a member of the illuminati? what is it like? how many "strings" have you pulled? ritualistically murdered any nosy people before?? any cool illuminati stories to tell? i really want to know!!!

this thread is also for illuminati dating. unfortunately illuminati-dating.net is down atm so post you bio and pic's here and see if we can hook up. i am looking for stout white woman who loves mansions and cryptography.

[jamie]

please ask morgan to let the old man out of the freezer. he is so cold.

[goldenratio]

did u hav to fill out 1 of dem forms wit da math and phsycologie (sp?) q.s? lol they so hard ^_^ grats :P

[goldenratio]

do you get a discount? do they have classes on how to use sheeple for personal gain?

[Hundley]

being a member of the illuminati sucks!!!! just got back from my first meeting and it was terrible. i got there and there were a bunch of men wearing robes. they said something in some language i didn't understand and then everyone pulled out their junk and started wanking to a giant gold statue of archie bunker. this is apparently all the illuminati do. it's a secret society for collaborative wanking.

also i translated what the ring says. it says I HAVE THE HORN ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT. LIVE THE HORN, LOVE THE HORN. WALTER CRONKITE IS A SEX MACHINE.

fuck that. fuck the illuminati.

i'm going to join the knights templar or something instead. someone whose great icons aren't as likely to be covered in semen.

[Boosh!!!]

Awww..... I was just about to ask for an autograph from Jay Z:(

[Blue Erdgeist]

congratulations!

[Vellfire]

they said something in some language i didn't understand and then everyone pulled out their junk and started wanking to a giant gold statue of archie bunker. this is apparently all the illuminati do.

where do i sign

[crone_lover720]

Di you know that Leonardo Da Vinci was allegedly a member of the Illuminati? Including king Arthur, Edgar Allen Poe and George washington carver... The secret is within the mona lisa's smile!

[thecatamites]

I joined the Illuminati once but quit after I found out they don't really drive those little cars. Don't believe the lie$.

[Farren]

all we got locally is the masons and I fuck with them sometimes. Last halloween I saw some of them dressed up in fancy dresses and powdered wigs so I screamed profanities at some old white fat lady and acted like I was horny for her.

[kayo Hairbinger]

Why would you drink blood... Don't pe berated, its bad for you...

[`~congresman Ron paul~~]

those weren't the illuminati those were hobos

[Master Tea]

join the nights of columbos.... CHIRSTOPHER COLUMBOS

or the chrileren of the corn! who the dOPE doesnt love corn!!!!!!!

[Ragnar]

[ase]

it's a secret society for collaborative wanking.

it's not a secret anymore you treacherous demon!

expect 7-9 illuminati members at your residence within the next few minutes. enjoy the last of your breaths. i would recommend a last wank or two

[Pasty]

that's easy considering if hundley's anything like me, illuminati members give him the horn something fierce.

[Parker]

resident evil 4

[Ragnar]

http://vigilantcitizen.com/?p=1676

[Kaempfer]

I just saw this topic and let me tell you, it's pretty fucking insulting to an actual member of the Illuminati.

We're not some super-secret sect of government overthrowing goat murderers. Ever heard of the Masons? Secret societies usually aren't that secret. The Illuminati isn't a particularly small organization, either, and I'm not sure why it has such a bad rap. I mean, I'm aware of all the bad press about us and shit, but why is it so readily believed? Some of the founding fathers were members of the Illuminati. So what? Some of them were Masons, too, back when we got along.

Most of what the Illuminati does is fundraising for charities. Like any group of our kind, we have members in fairly high places. It's not like every Illuminati knows every person who's in the Illuminati, though. You'd be surprised the number of rumours we hear, and the genuine shock when we learn certain famous people are Illuminated.

I don't know, I don't want to get all pissy anout the whole thing but Illuminati aren't so bad. We don't control the world bank or anything, those guys are just rich dicks. Yeah, some of those rich dicks are in the Illuminati, but so what? Every group has dickheads in it.

Speaking of dickheads, does anyone else get the distinct impression that Yugoslavian Ghoul is a real dickhead in real life? Because I get that distinct impression. Seriously:

all we got locally is the masons and I fuck with them sometimes. Last halloween I saw some of them dressed up in fancy dresses and powdered wigs so I screamed profanities at some old white fat lady and acted like I was horny for her.

What are you, a Brazilian youth? Real fucking clever, bro, let's go throw back some brews.


edit: I guess if you guys have any serious questions about us I can try to answer them. I don't know everything, but I'm in contact with a chapter head and I can relay the questions to her and the answers back to you guys.