28 replies to this topic

[Ice Baby1]

"You are in a maze of twisty little Charlie Browns, all alike."

i have made a game in twine it is called MASTABA SNOOPY.
(official game adaptation of roasted peanuts)

here you go here it is play it if you 've got the time:
https://dl.dropbox.c...ABA SNOOPY.html

it is OKAY if you want to be honest and tell me what is WRONG with it, I want to LEARN and become a better person. THANK YOU, just for clicking on this thread!! have a wonderful day!!!


edit:
HERE'S A SCREENSHOT AS PER THREAD RULE

[Ice Baby1]

UPDATED!! to streamline/beclaritize/dynamificate text & story + added more scenes. might still be too clunky/overworked? CRITICISM WELCOME! enjoy THE GRIM FUTURE of THE MODERN WORLD...

nes & snes sprites

https://dl.dropbox.c...ABA SNOOPY.html
Sci-Fi Survival Game

[Hundley]

This is really outstanding, definitely the best twine game I've played. Everyone should play this, if only to come to terms with what the collective existence of humanity will invariably amount to when we've passed our expiration date. Woodsnoopy 799 is the best character I have encountered in a work of non-fiction this year.

Upsetting that I am the first person to post here about this game. This forum sucks.

Oh wait, you asked for constructive criticism, so here goes: This is a beautiful game and this forum should be ashamed for letting a week pass without giving you a pat on the back for it. I hope this bit of constructive criticism is helpful.

Seriously, I really love this and have no advice for you apart from keep being you.

[Vellfire]

basically this is proof of why we need a site that properly highlights stuff like this b/c otherwise nobody sees it

i'm gonna play this later b/c this sounds rad as frig

[EvilDemonCreature]

Hundley totally constructive criticized the crap out of all of us.
(yeah I agree with vell, a mainsite or some kind of showcase to remind folks not all of us have abandoned the dream of gaming/creative arts)

The only reason I haven't played it yet, is because I don't normally play text adventures, and have just been looking for a good excuse to get into games made with twine.

I guess I have just found that excuse. Kudos, and thank you for giving me that.

[goldenratio]

This was really good. It made me feel nauseous in a good way. Normally I'd avoid text adventures because they hinge so much on the writing ability of who made it, but I will surely read anything you make from now on, gods17. I'd advise everyone needs to read this.

[esiann]

i've only read the first few screens because Time but i like this one more than the other, even, although they're totally different beasts. the tone/setting/characters so far reminds me of Lion Man, which i am also only partway through (see above), plus duh __topian sci-fi

will get back to you when i finish/if there's anything more that needs saying

[Carrion Crow]

We don't need a site, we just need a widget that's conspicuous on the forum index. You could put "Noteworthy posts: ... ... ..." in the header in 10 mins.

Can I play this on my phone? If so I might... take it to bed... with me *EL JAMES FACE*

[Ice Baby1]

holy damn, thanks a ton, everyone! sorry it took so long to get back to this topic! these are amazing compliments and i'm glad to have eased the passing of anyone's day even marginally.

i turned this story in to my creative writing teacher (an alt. version sans Risque passages) and she liked it.

This is a beautiful game and this forum should be ashamed for letting a week pass without giving you a pat on the back for it. I hope this bit of constructive criticism is helpful.

Seriously, I really love this and have no advice for you apart from keep being you.

thank you! it is incredibly inspiring for someone with a custom title of Writer to appreciate my barfworld fiction!

Can I play this on my phone? If so I might... take it to bed... with me *EL JAMES FACE*

due to Peanuts lacking portrayals of sexual attraction, all Sunless Dominion sexuality is an expression of mutation and decay.
it represents healthy love in the same way that a corpse burping up rotgas represents oratory. i'd recommend not to take pleasure in it.
still
you gotta do what feels right

the tone/setting/characters so far reminds me of Lion Man, which i am also only partway through (see above), plus duh __topian sci-fi

It made me feel nauseous in a good way.

these are both exactly what i was going for! thank you!

[Neuropath]

Great Job gods17 ! ! !
Construct criticisms will come in a day.  Takes time after seeing really good thing to see ways it could be improved.

[Neuropath]

I sent a PM with advice because it was kind of borderline in  most cases whether it was my taste or actual OBJECTIVE QUALITY issues.  Don't need to bother everyone with picking of nits.  This is a sign that you Done Good.

[JMickle]

I'll admit that I tend to avoid twine games, but this is proving (i am stil playing) that I am a slimy bigot in my ways. Hilarious and imaginative and real god damn freaky.

I want to make games with you

[JMickle]

Wow, just got a couple of endings. I really really enjoyed it, the imagery was absolutely fascinating and the whole world felt like such an incredibly surreal place.

However, after the peppermint patty ending (i skipped back to the other route) I felt it became completely disconnected and unengaging. I think it would benefit from ending there, as you can gain somewhat of a satisfying ending there, rather than suddenly being torn from your immersion as entirely random events start happening.

As I said, though, I seriously enjoyed this. The world was absolutely incredible, I don't I've seen or read a more interesting place. Amazing work.

[Jesse F]

Schulz saw it coming.

[Ice Baby1]

jmickle: by "after the peppermint patty ending", do you mean the scenes in and beyond the field of christmas trees? i understand what you mean by disconnection/disjointedness. choosing to empathize with linus 99911 will doom you to being buffeted around aimlessly. i think of it this way: even though there are many choices after linus, they're all really part of one long ending, one where you get eaten alive by the world and dissolve into nothing. zambonis fall like rain. zambonis fall like meteors. so in a way, it does end there!

those are some very high compliments! i'm glad to hear you liked it!

Schulz saw it coming.

ahahaha, i haven't seen this one before...

[bamcquern]

This is an awesome game.

[dicko]

http://www.freeindie...-snoopy-gods17/

you hit the big time now gods17!! and deservedly so

make more gam'es

[Jesse F]

The head of the NYU Game Center emailed me last night: "So, who is Gods17, any clue? Just some guy?"

Gods17, please confirm that you are just some guy.

[Neuropath]

Who is John Gods17

[Jesse F]

Who is John Gods17

My brain keeps looking for a "Like" button. The end can't come soon enough.