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#1 Warped655

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 04:26 PM

Hello everyone. I posted in the intro forum and I did a long winded rant on what I've been up to and Pilson said it made him wonder what was going on with guys who left or went on their own long hiatus for whatever reason. Really, hearing about your guy's lives in general sounds interesting to me. I want to hear about you!

I already ranted myself out a bit but I would like to see any personal stories or rants about your life and whats going on. I'm not talking about 'in the moment' posts that you'd see in what's on your mind or the typical response to "how's it going?" being "yeah I'm ok." I want to see some long posts. Its ok if you don't want to share or can't really come up with anything substantial. I just want to establish that this is more of a topic where you'd go into depth on what is really going on with your life and what you'd like to share.

Emotionally, socially, politically, financially, romantically, anything.

How are you're relationships in general? What goals do you have right now (if any, perhaps talking about not having any even)? What are your stuggles and victories? Recent or perhaps far in the past. If you've mentioned something on this forum before, feel free to repeat yourself, if only going more in depth.

Anyway, I hope to read some interesting stuff about my salt peeps. And I hope it feels good to get stuff off of your chests. You don't have to be in a miserable state to share either. Feel free to talk about more positive shit if you can.


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#2 DeePee

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 09:46 PM

I might come back to this with a longer post, but for now, I'll just give you the cliff notes of DP2014 (as in DarkPriest in 2014):

 

  • After I completed my mandatory military service in 2006 January I started drifting away from GW
  • I started studying in HAAGA-HELIA university of applies sciences in 2006 fall
  • Met the girl of my dreams and then some in 2007
  • Finally discovered the hobby of my dreams in 2008 - board games
  • Finished my business studies in 2010
  • Got married to the before mentioned girl in 2011
  • Bought my first appartment in 2011 (hello mortgage)
  • Decided that my career would be in the field of quality management and organisational development
  • Bought RPG Maker VX Ace on Steam in 2012, found out that I no longer have time to make games
  • The birth of baby boy in 2013 fall, how awesome and scary is that? (answer: quite)
  • Discovered minimalism at the same time, am currently trying to cut down on my possessions and other clutter
  • At this moment it looks like my career is spanning out quite nicely
  • Board games still play a large role in my life (and probably will continue to do so)

Overall I'm pretty happy, but I do miss the crazy community of GW. It was something quite unique that will probably never happen again. 



#3 Neuropath

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 10:55 PM

yeah, I can give some deets if it would help out.  this is what's going on in my life right now.  it's all kind of boring though and probably doesn't super align with the persona I otherwise project here, so ahaha take that as you will.

 

I've been working for a university lab for about a year and a half now, trying to get into graduate school. I wasn't accepted this cycle, but my goals remain the same.  I was given good advice on how to do better on the GRE though, and that will probably help next cycle.  I've got one (fourth-author) paper published, and two pending.  Lately, I've been pouring through literature on the topics of transcranial magnetic stimulation, and transcranial direct current stimulation; basically, techniques that let us manipulate what's going on in people's brains to cause certain cognitive effects.  That's the kind of research I want to do later in my career. I'm very interested in neuroscientific tools that might let us become more fluid and dynamic creatures, cognitively speaking.  I might get to direct some of that kind of research soon, though,  thanks to the patronage of the professor I'm working for, even though I am not a graduate student.

 

For a lot of what I do, I've been a free agent, and not really beholden to anyone else's timetables but my own.  I hate to say it, but I've not always been super disciplined, and in fact I thought I burned a bridge with one of the most promising contacts I had around here because I let communications die after signing on to help them out with a project I really wasn't qualified to help them with.  That was eight months ago, and just yesterday, I finally worked up the nerve to reach out again, something I had been dreading deeply this whole time.  There were times I literally was shouting at myself because I knew what a fool I was to let such a promising lead die.  It was all because I just didn't have the nerve to fess up and say that I was having problems.  Someone talked me into finally trying to rebuild that bridge, and so I sent a message yesterday to my contact, explaining why I fell off the radar, and all but begging for a second chance Today, I got an e-mail back from the guy, saying that he's willing to let me try again.  I can't tell you what a tremendous relief that was for me, it was like the end of a nightmare that had plagued me for well over half a year.

 

That's the major thing my life is centered around right now.  I've never really been in a serious romantic relationship, and really I think it'll be okay if that doesn't happen for a while.  I have such a hard time relating to people on any level, it's difficult to imagine finding someone romantically compatible with me very easily.  For that matter, it makes it challenging to even make serious friendships.  I've been lucky to find a few like-minded people where I live, though.  My labmates, in particular, have become the best friends I ever had.

 

I think one of the reasons I gravitated to this web-space is because it frequently touches on some of the few channels I can really connect with other people on, this weird video-gamey space.



#4 thecatamites

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Posted 08 March 2014 - 02:30 AM

I am in country of Slovenia living on savings after moving and leaving insurance job. I am in Romantic Relationships for first time in life. I am working on possible commercial project & hope to be able to make enough from this stuff to hold off on going back to office work for at least a little while. I am well. I saw a lizard today + felt happy about my life decisions to this point, mostly.



#5 Carrion Crow

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Posted 08 March 2014 - 04:03 AM

Ok. Not sure if this is going to stay here for long.
  • Started university in 2006. Got in with a £2.5k a year scholarship due to being smart.
  • In 2007 I got infectious mononucleosis and it made me about half as smart as I was in 2006. It made me seriously depressed. I had no self regard. At one point I was beaten into the gutter by three bald men for insulting them while drunk.
  • Since 2007 I have had increasing allergies to unknown sources. I could barely do anything. I dropped out of university.
  • In 2007/8 I started at a different institution, my health recovered enough to study.
  • It took me five years to finish my undergraduate degree due to illness. I owe the SLC £40 grand. I will most likely die before they get all that back. I have a masters in Electronic Eng.
  • In 2009 I cut off my stupid long hair and started going out with a Christian woman who was beautiful, intelligent and perhaps not the correct person for me. I'd had a few girlfriends before but I was convinced she was the one.
  • In 2011 without any prior indication my girlfriend decided to leave me for someone in her church. I realised I was living for other people as I was left with absolutely nothing but grief for about six months. My best friend at the time sat on my bed in halls while I cried uncontrollably for hours. Never give them everything. Always keep something back for yourself. Have a reserve partition. Don't do what I did in 2011.
  • I was with more women than in any other year in my life. My ego and self esteem were redeemed but I still forbade myself from ever opening up to anyone. I am still unsure if I actually felt lonely. It was validating.
  • I didn't want to apply for any graduate schemes because their salary structures looked like slave labour with no potential progression. I applied for some PhDs and got accepted by all of them but chose to study electronic imaging.
  • By Christmas 2011 I had started using iPhone apps (Blendr) to meet women who seemed entertaining. I had no intention of forming a meaningful relationship. I just wanted to go out and enjoy myself, which I did once or twice. No sex, just building bridges with people who are equally lost socially such that they are brave enough to reach out to strangers for dates.
  • On my friend's couch after a night out in a different city I refreshed the app and spoke to my current girlfriend for the first time. I dated her once then we stayed together at her new year's party. Our long-distance relationship started on Jan 1 2012.
  • I would go and see her via rail once every couple of weeks. We would alternate to see who would travel.
  • For the first time in my life I had some money so I took her to Paris in May as one of my supervisors was getting married.
  • In October 2012 she was offered a job in my city. She accepted and we now live together. A brave step/commitment for both of us.
  • I am currently in my third year of studies with my deadlines approaching, she has since been promoted. I am hoping to finish in 2014 and continue working for my group. My supervisors are making my life difficult with their behaviour.
  • This year I have suffered a lot of stress and anxiety due to the pressures of academia and my health problems. I am indebted to a member of this forum for talking to me at a time when I was going crazy. My doctor has done nothing for me other than make things worse.
  • In the past month I have done more exercise than ever before and it has had positive effects on all my problems. Never underestimate the power of being able to tire yourself out and wake up feeling like a formatted memory card. My calf muscles feel tighter than ever but I feel like I am building something of myself whereas before I was just doing what I needed to.
  • My diversions right now are squash, indoor "soccer", outdoor "soccer", using my 3D printer to model an N gauge railway. I find the railway modelling quite relaxing as you can do large amounts of it without looking at a screen.
  • As of 2014 I am making no video games. I didn't record a single song in 2013, yet I tell myself I will do these things when I am coasting down over the summit of the current mountain which will be the completion of my studies.
  • We have no plans to marry of reproduce.

Do I consider myself depressed? I would say I have the wrong habits to enable normal living. But hopefully with some effort put into my physical being and a little more organisation (I use Todoist for everything from cooking to science goals) I will be more carefree than stressed and destructive. I am trying to reward myself and take into account more positive things in my life than focusing on everything I am up against. There isn't a lot of respect or support for students or people working in non-suit-wearing academia so I am hesitant to stay out of industry for so long. We will see how I feel. The me that I lost to mono could make a comeback if I am healthy enough. There are sparks, signs of my intelligence returning. A lot of people will tell me I am smart but it just makes me feel sort of ill at the idea that I can no longer handle what I used to. The idea that something in my head is holding me back from the full capacity, the sharpness that could do maths better than anyone I know, gone. 



#6 denzquix

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Posted 08 March 2014 - 11:50 AM

i turn 30 in a few months and i'm still yet to catch up on things that i should have done before 20. basic things.

i'm just lost in the fog with nothing to head towards. i've made peace with it, sat down and decided to make friends with whatever happens to be within the visible 3 foot radius around me.

i'm a living ghost, a fat slacker with a ridiculous unsustainable parasitic lifestyle.

it's all going to fall apart. when it does, i hope it doesn't hurt too many other people.



#7 Neuropath

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Posted 09 March 2014 - 04:05 AM

yo denz you're a cool guy with good taste and I hope things work out better for you.



#8 Barack Obama

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Posted 09 March 2014 - 09:38 AM

I'm finishing up engineering school in about 3 months and have a line on an internship for the summer that should pay me well enough while I ease back into the workforce. Honestly, that's about all that's going on with me for the last couple years: burning transistors in the lab, making lines on the oscilloscope wiggle, writing code for microcontrollers, programming  and spending whole days triggering and staring at the output of logic analyzers. I may go back for a Master's degree but I don't quite know what for yet. I may want to switch gears slightly and do something more computer-y but we'll see how the job market looks over the next few years... if I manage to become filthy rich somehow or just find engineering work to be unbearable I'd want to do a PhD in math and just occupy myself with numbers.

 

Some buddies moved into my end of town and so I don't go out and about much, just kick it at the dives nearby. I go to the gym regularly to stay healthy, quit smoking for the most part, and am looking at taking language classes at the local community college to learn Mandarin once I've got a steady job.

 

I guess on the tragic end of things, one of my best friends killed himself at the end of last summer which fucked me up really bad and took a while to recover from. After that I started abusing valium and xanax because booze made it too hard to remain productive but I've cut that out. Thinking about it still stops me in my tracks every once in a while, it was fucking traumatic and broke my heart.


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#9 scoby

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Posted 09 March 2014 - 05:30 PM

wow sorry barack. I was wondering where you were (I'm earl)

 

I graduated with my landscape architecture degree in August, but I haven't been able to find a job in my field. It's been 6 months, and I haven't limited my search to any particular location. Maybe it was naive, but I really didn't expect this! I had three internships, got awards, and maintained close ties to a large firm that usually has a good hiring capacity but recently had to lay off several people. I recently applied to a place that seemed right up my alley, I did my thesis on exactly what they're all about, but they're done hiring and I didn't even get a reply. I might try for another internship this summer, maybe go to grad school for something

 

as I said in warp's other thread I'm working in a big box store in my parents' home town. feel pretty alone here, wanna move back to a city, 'feel like my life's on hold' etc

 

I'm the healthiest I've been in a while so thats good. I used to have a lot of health problems that I complained about on here.



#10 Ice Baby1

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Posted 09 March 2014 - 08:05 PM

getting dumped by my first girlfriend and handling it incredibly poorly made me realize how much growing up i still have to do. i eventually developed a sense of self-confidence as a coping mechanism after my "nobody loves me" depression lost steam, so i've just been enjoying the glow of a life from a healthier and more optimistic perspective. at this point i don't really have any friends that aren't out-of-state and my social skills greatly regressed from wherever they had gotten to, but carrying myself confidently and grinning indiscriminately alone has very noticeably ameliorated that a lot.

 

i picked up singing (for three reasons: 1. good for you, 2. doesn't require tools, 3. considered sexy) and it turns out learning to breathe/carry myself right got rid of like 80% or more of crippling feelings of tension and disgust within my broken body. because of the no-friends thing i've just been going to class, staying in my room and singing, and sometimes leaving to get food.

 

maybe if i get really good at singing i can make money off it. as the final few months of 18 drift by, i maintain hope that i'll discover a natural talent that'll get me out of ever getting a job.



#11 RyanTheBoy

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Posted 09 March 2014 - 10:32 PM

Essentially I am a lazy shit who has in recent months been trying to be less of one.

 

  • 04-07 Went to local community college and got an Associate's Degree in compsci(with a 'Video Game Option,' something I mostly joke about now as it was a useless subtitle). During this time I met, dated, and got broken up by my first girlfriend. It hit me pretty hard As she never gave me a straight answer though I now know she met someone else while she was going to school an hour away(We still chat nowadays off-and-on, I no longer harbor any animosity towards her).
  • After college I had no idea where to look for work in programming games in the bumblefuck armpit of the midwest. Luckily(?) a friend of mine got me hooked up with a tech support job at a local cable company. I met a lot of friends there I still have today and made a decent living.
  • Shortly afterward I met a nightmare of a woman who I dated for about five years before realizing it was all a trap. She had enitced me with talk of moving to a Chicago to pursue acting(something I too toyed with having some community theater experience and an interest in improv) but eventually she balked at this and began pushing marriage and children as hard as she could. I lived unhappily with her for a long time thinking I could do no better but after a friend of mine heard her audibly complaining about my lack of marriage proposal I knew it was time to end things. Several piles of money and empty suicide threats later I was living in the master bedroom of a 1200 square foot apartment wondering what had happened to my life.
  • From there I met girl number two who was(is?) a dream. English major who hates small towns and aspired to professorship. She had her own mental baggage in the form of her own shitty ex. We had known each other for a long time so we started casually seeing each other. I then found out she was moving states away to go to grad school. Rather than think things through I told her I too wanted to go to school and quit my job to join her. I only found out after moving I was unable to afford school and found a string of unhappy jobs to support usin a somwhat happier homelife. We had issues though due to being far removed from one another most of the time due to long night shifts and grueling gradschool schedules. We had planned a return home if only to get back on our feet...
  • Which leads me to today. Having made some connections while away I landed my first illustration job for a game project with the school she had attended. It carried me for a while as I worked a few other part-time jobs to fill in the gaps. She ended up moving back in with me once her classes ended but only stayed for a month. It turned out that she was unhappy and found she didn't want to be back home as it was a depressing scene; lack of good jobs, friend circles falling apart, and family issues will do that I suppose. She never wanted to break it off with me but I couldn't handle the pressure of all of the bills and responsibilities she left for me in the lurch of her move so I cut ties as it was too much for me to handle.
  • Now I am living in a friend's spare room having lost all of my money over these exploits. She moved to a bigger city and is teaching full-time now, which is good though she is extremely depressed and has required a few talkdowns from suicidal ideations. She wants to try again as do I but I need time to figure myself out and what it is I am doing. I am commiting to the 1GAM challenge for now in an attempt to build the games portfolio and skillset my small-town college left me without. I have been a lot happier with a goal and commitment. I may move back in with her but I am not making any promises outside of working to support my games habit.

That is essentially me I suppose. Pepper in therapy, depressive episodes, and some barbells and you may as well be my roommate.



#12 Warped655

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Posted 10 March 2014 - 08:09 PM

Happiness is subjective and also more of a barometer than a thermostat. It only matters when things get better or worse, not if they are currently good or bad in relative terms to other people. You live a shitty life and things get better you feel good. You live a awesome life and things suddenly take a turn for the worst you feel like shit.

My life has largely stayed stagnant. And that is how I feel. It hasn't really been an uncomfortable life, but its been very boring and unfulfilling one. I've found that the only reason I work is to escape where I live and possibly to find a girlfriend. I know girls don't want to date a broke loser. Of course, I hate money as a motivation so I have to focus on the possibility of living a real life that money would afford me rather than just getting rich. I feel like I've been in stasis ever since I graduated. It turns out that I pretty much can't get healthcare either at all and this is effecting my life in a few ways. Namely I just haven't been able to afford to see if I'm autistic and whether I'd qualify for any assistance based on this STILL. I'm tempted to just say fuck it and set up an out of pocket appointment and then really push for it if I get diagnosed. The longer I wait the worse off I'm going to get.

 

Romantically, I've been empty, miserable, and deprived basically all my life. Largely because as a kid all the way up to college I largely thought romance wasn't for me. I had the idea that I just wanted sex but was too afraid of the repercussions of attempting to get it. Never tried to get either. Untill now. I lost my virginity like a half a year ago. (I'm 25) but I found the experience wanting. It was pleasant, but I realised afterward that I actually wanted intimacy like a normal human being (lol). Not just sex. (of course I want that too) But I'm one thing that most people find romantically off putting: I'm polyamorous. I don't like the concept of monogamy at all. I'm not bothered by other dudes being in a relationship with me (assuming there is a girl of course) even though I'm straight. I'm not not interested in sexual exclusivity in the slightest. Anyway, that emptiness will continue untill I get the fuck out of here and stop being so poor.

Whats crazy is that I think back and realise there were attractive ladies that flirted with me in the past and I ignored them because I thought they were fucking with me. :(

 

I worry that I'll never escape and that I'm going to die never having had anything like what some of you here have at least experienced once, even if it ended badly. This idea terrifies me.

 

I think I said before that I'd love to live in Seattle or Denver. I feel like culturally I'd fit well in those places and be happy. :/

 

Financially at the moment:
My sales on Ebay have not improved lately, however, people aren't buying anything it seems like right now. Even my mom's internet business is starting to dip drastically in sales and I guess that issue is spilling into my own. I've been reading that in general small internet businesses have been suffering for some reason. A bit discouraging and makes me wonder if I should really buy new stock for my shop... but I'm not sure what else to do. So I'm just going to keep goingAnd keep trying.

I wish you guys all the best with your own troubles, it looks like a lot of you are experiencing mostly hardship. Sometimes I want to reach out and ask if people can help me on the internet get out of here but I fear I'd be a worthless leech and obviously you guys are all having problems of your own.


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#13 Neuropath

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Posted 11 March 2014 - 01:23 AM

everyone has problems, and if that was a reason to keep people from reaching out for help, noone would ever do so.  you make communities with people who can understand your struggles, and help you with them along with sharing the things that are good in your life.  being able to make those networks for yourself is one of the most valuable skills a person can learn in life.






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