4 replies to this topic

[NeoJuice]

What is this place I've stumbled upon? 

 

I've been pretty interested in weird videogames recently which has led me here.  It feels like there is a huge history to this forum that I have no clue about.  I find this to be really cool so I'll probably stick around for a bit.  If anyone can explain what this forum is, the history of it, and the reason it was created that would be pretty cool.

[bonzi_buddy]

*peeks from the slit between closed, barred windows*

s-stranger... you made a 'WRONG TURN'... TURN 'BACK'.... quick while yi can...

 

*Eyes looks hella angry at rightfully astonished NeoJuice who doesn't know how to react to this fucken weirdo, then disappears into darkness. a second later door opens with several clicks and odd sounds, huge metal door opens, an arm pulls you into the darkness*

 

pst... they used to call me 'BONZI BUDDY'... do you recognize me?

*points itself, an handsome, buff man, with perfectly neon-turquoise furry-browns and neon-turquoise spiky hair, with a huge, rolled dark blue towel on his neck. he's naked*

it's Ok if you don't... i used to be a PURPLE ORANGUTAN'... don't worry, i'm still 'YOUR BEST FRIEND IN THE INTERNET!' ... i help you with however i can...

 

this... this 'UGLY, TERRIBLE PLACE' *spits bitterly on ground, throws a dart on a picture with thousands of tiny dart holes, with letters 'D A D A' written on it* used to be called *gulps openly, licks dry lips, panickedly peeks around in case anybody listens, listens to silence, makes several prayers, practises shadow jabs a couple of times in case of sudden ambush, pulls and puts away combat knife testingly several times, hesitates a couple of seconds,* 'GAMING WORLD'... ancient texts said that 'The Wilde Peopele ofe The Oldene Webe 1.0. Dayse'... used to make something...

*looks utterly confused at the old manuscript, rechecks several times*... something called... 'SNES-ERA JAPANESE ROLE-PLAYING GAMES' with a 'D.I.Y ETHOS'? what the fuck? is that some weird asian porn? a-anyways... by strange turn of events... it's all laid waste, desolate, barren.... if you roam the underground 'ARCHIVES', it's been said a lot of topics can be found there (nay, don't even bother, all valuables have been SURELY raided already... give it up...)... they say ancient weapon 'RM2K' can be found in the depths of the web archives, somewhere, with untold power... 'LA LI LU LE LO'...

 

so in turn: please help, stranger!! do something!! it's horrible!! these days, this place is called SALT WORLD and everything is replaced by Salt!!! I hate salt!!! But am forced to learn everything about it!! PLEASE HELP!!!! AAA *sudendly explodes from inside to out, the blood... is... m-mixed with dry salt?!? you feel nauseus...you sudendly feel a taste of salt in your mouth... o-oh no... you feel the horror and salt engulfing you...*

[Red Chaos]

Stumbling out of the concrete shack through a peeled and rusting iron backdoor you spin blindly through a crumbling garden, dripping blood, narrowly stopping yourself from sinking your foot into the dumpy flesh of a huge, gross, weird fly squatting on the fence. You wipe your eyes in disbelief as a croaky, smarmy voice emanates from its surprising lungs. "Wotta load!" It grins up at you dopily and seems to give a jaunty wink. "Don't listen to dat guy, buddy... He's just mad cuz BIAS-DADA gave 'im a nice new body, an' no-one ever taught im ow to say thank yew" It hops off the ground and ungainly flaps up to eye height. "Everything's different here. Ya ain't gonna be findin' much o' dose 'Answers' you been seeking. See, I been here years - an' even I don't know much at all!"

 

The fly giggles indulgently. "See dose 'Secret Forums' over yonder? I betcha they're FULLA Answers, and treasures too. A smart guy like yerself would do well tryna find the 'hidden passwords'... There are 7. Could be buried anywhere round here... Remember you can use the 'site:saltworld.net' token in a search to restrict your results to help find archived rare threads and helpful lore. But it won't help ya much if ya be goin' down to those REAL DEEP DEPTHS. Ya know that what which some say were call't -- Gamin' -- G-Gaming --" For the first time, your new friend seems a little uneasy. "Surely ya've hart th' name afore... Dat sinister stonehenge whar shadows did collaberrate on alien life - but never could seem to finish any of it off!! Not that I was here to see it or know anything about any o dat. Well... Heh, gotta bounce! Sorry kid!"

 

He suddenly spits a cloud of black shiny salt all over your face and shirt, then flutters away laughing! The sodic air reacts with your pack... All your food and water explode!! Ouch! Your back! You have nothing. You vomit! You vomit! Somewhere far away a wolf screams and dies. The gates of the silent town slam shut.

 

You're alone.

[Hundley]

If anyone can explain what this forum is, the history of it, and the reason it was created that would be pretty cool.

1. write an unintelligible paragraph about dark souls or something else that nobody could possibly be particularly interested in. make sure you have not capitalized any words or included much punctuation. print it out using a thirty year old dot matrix printer with a tattered, decomposing ink ribbon. carefully take this printed page outside your dwelling and locate the nearest manhole cover. lift the cover and descend into the abyss, making sure to leave your flashlight behind. start walking. continue walking. do not stop walking. ignore the terrible shrieks and groans echoing through the vast corridors around you; if you do not see them, they cannot see you. as soon as you are able to tangibly describe the feelings of exhaustion, fear, and misery pooling in your stomach, stop walking. fumble your way through the dark to the nearest wall. take your very important dark souls paragraph from your satchel(if you didn't think of bringing a satchel, you're absolutely fucked) and apply it to the wall. at this point you will undoubtedly have cut yourself on unseen jagged edges on the wall, so you can use your blood as an adhesive. pause for a long moment and reflect on this extremely important thing you have just done, and, if enough blood remains on the inside of your body, congratulate yourself on an excellent forum post.

at this point you might ask: "USER 4466, I HAVE TRAVELED MANY, MANY MILES TO THIS SPOT, AND HAVE POSTED THIS VERY IMPORTANT DARK SOULS PARAGRAPH THAT NOBODY COULD EVER POSSIBLY READ. I HAVE LOST A LOT OF BLOOD AND DO NOT HAVE THE STAMINA OR HIT POINTS TO MAKE IT BACK TO THE SURFACE, WHERE I MIGHT REJOIN CIVILIZATION. WHAT IS THE USE OF SUCH A JOURNEY IF IT HAS TAKEN ME TO SUCH A BARREN, DESOLATE PLACE? WHY DO YOU RISK YOUR PRECIOUS BODILY FLUIDS TO VENTURE TO SUCH A FORSAKEN WORLD?"

i will then sit there, silently blinking at you, hoping that the passage of time results in you forgetting the question.
eventually, time will pass.
and you will forget the question.

this is what saltworld is. have fun and post lots.

2. people posted here once. they're gone now. only the tumbleweeds remain.

3. nobody who is still around was around when the forum was created. i am told the universe is full of such mysteries, but i never leave the sewers long enough to find out.

[JakeHake]

Hello and welcome to the forum!