So I wrote a thing
Posted 21 May 2020 - 11:44 AM
I kept making myself laugh over it and came up with these two characters and I reckon I'm looking for feedback.
It's a little long and this is just the first "part".
I'm calling it: On the outskirts of everything
Sometime in the near future; SETI captures a strange, indecipherable signal originating from within deep space. Somewhere just beyond the reaches of the kuiper belt. For months scientists and astronomers mull over the signals superimposing them on spectrographs, using advanced computer systems and data processing equipment to discern what exactly they are.
None succeed; though one thing is determined they are infact alien and that distinct images recovered from the signal take the very same shape of a mysterious hieroglyph found throughout various ancient structures and texts.
In conjunction with NASA the United States Space Force plans a mission into deep space to determine the source of the mysterious signal.
In charge of this mission is the young captain Luna Valentina her mission statement is to first find whether or not the source of the signal itself might have been sent my an extraterrestrial civilization. And if so; to establish communication and diplomatic relations with our newfound neighbors.
After many months of travel throughout deep space on an extensive, dangerous, and daring mission of "space odyssey" like proportions of which there will be no great detail because it's rather boring and not quite relevant to this story captain Luna and her crew find themselves arriving at their mysterious destination.
Loosely orbiting around the kuiper belt is what looks to be a small dwarf planet, on closer inspection the crew realizes that this celestial object isn't really a planet at all but a large comet that's been retrofitted as a sort of colony, a habitable satellite of sorts.
Peppered with small dome-like objects and other structures of a technological origin and illuminated by low level blue lighting.
The crew quickly determine that this must be the source of the alien signal and so begin preparations for landing and meeting their newfound neighbors.
As the lander touches ground the astronauts spot a figure moving towards them coming from the direction of one of the domes.
As the figure approaches it's features become easier to perceive. It is a "grey" about 4 1/2ft in height its anatomical structure and facial features are humanoid in nature and it's body composition although smaller and thinner than your average human appears more in common with an anemic adolescent than many of the historical sightings of greys throughout history.
All the while as it approaches the human astronauts the creature is flicking it's head from side to side and waving it's arms periodically making audible "groaning" noises and muttering in an indesipherable dialect.
The creature pauses before the human astronauts and starts speaking in a language not understood by man.
The astronauts look at the creature quizzically.
It holds up a single, extended digit and starts fiddling with a piece of technology fitted around it's neck.
Alien: "hold on"..
Continues fiddling with tech
Alien: "There....had to set my translator to "fucking stupid".
Captain Luna steps forward and introduces herself then asks it it's name.
Alien: "Name? We don't have "names", those are a human construct attributed to the need to feel important, individual, a false sense of security in one's own identity when really not a one of you are all that different from the others.
Luna: Well then.....what should we call you?
Alien: "I'm the one that drew the short straw...
Luna: how about this? Since you're the first representative of your kind that we have met, could I call you "alpha"?
Alpha: I don't give a shit...
Humans tell him they found a signal and followed it.
Alpha: "SHIT! Jorg turn off the audio transmitter!"
Another alien yells from within a dome
Jorg: "but my favorite songs playin.."
Alpha: "TURN THAT SHIT OFF THEY FOUND US"
*the other alien staggers out of a biodome with crystals all over his face
Jorg: I'M HIGH AS FU-
*Jorg sees the humans, staggers back then leans forward and squints at them
Jorg: .....are they real?
Alpha: yes Jorg, they're real...
Alpha looking at humans: "what's it going to take?"
Luna: "Excuse me?"
Alpha: "What am I gonna have to give you in order for you to get your soft, oily, pale ass off my fucking cosmic porch and go back to pretending you're an evolutionary fluke, a one in a trillion chance of life forming within this universe and that we never even existed???"
Alpha: "Because the last thing I ever wanted to deal with when I woke up this solar rotation was you people and your bullshit."
Alpha: you really think we weren't perfectly aware of your existence? Aeons ago after countless failed attempts to educate and enlighten the failed evolutionary experiment of humanity we just gave the entire ordeal up because you people are a lost cause.
You are genetically predispositioned to fuck up everything you touch, including yourselves and especially each other. So we decided to kind of leave you on your own in the boonies of the galaxy, all in your own sandbox entertaining yourselves like the slightly retarded kid in daycare that likes to bite.
Luna looks at alpha, dumbfounded: well...could you atleast answer a few questions for us?
Alpha: if it'll get you to fuckoff, then yes.
Luna: "We found these hieroglyphs carved in a strange, unrecognized language on the Egyptian pyramids? What do they mean?"
Alpha looks at Jorg
Alpha: what did I tell you?
Jorg: But it's my signature...
Alpha: I TOLD YOU THAT WORTHLESS "BANKSY SHIT" WAS GONNA COME BACK TO BITE US IN THE ASS.
Jorg: you can't put a value on fine art...
*Alpha snatches a print of hieroglyphs from humans and looks at it
Alpha: That "fine art" isn't even spelled correctly, dumbass
Luna: what does it say??
Alpha: "Jorg wuz hear"
Luna: we also found a chamber beneath the sphinx with one of those same hieroglyphs carved into the side of one of it's paws
Alpha: What's a sphinx?
Luna: a half lion, half man ancient statue.
Alpha: oh shit! That's still there?
Luna: what's ins-
Alpha: Don't worry about it.
*Jorg is squatting near a large flat stone pillar with a crystal smashing it into powder with a stone
He then stops, looks at luna, grins, slams his face into the residue and inhales deeply
He then looks towards alpha
Jorg: by the way you know we're all outta exocrystals? Gonna have to go to Earth and re-up soon.
Alpha: SHUT THE FUCK UP JORG!
Luna: you put dr-
Alpha: DON'T TOUCH IT!
Alpha: DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!
Luna: So the legendary "Hall of records" is actually just an alien drug stash?
Jorg: HALL OF RECORDS! AAAAHAHAHA!
*Jorg falls over on the ground and rolls around laughing hysterically
Alpha: "In all seriousness; why are you here? What do you want?"
Luna: "To further scientific understanding and discovery of extraterrestrial life within our shared universe."
Alpha: "Fuck is this? Star Trek??
Well, you found us! Congratulations! You can go home now..."
Luna: "also, to initiate interplanetary trade and diplomatic relations; if possible. With any newfound intelligent sentient life."
Alpha: "That isn't really a decision I can make on my own. You have to....er...speak to the....
To the..um...to the elder."
Luna: The who??
Jorg: "He means his mother, you've gotta ask his mom first."
Alpha: SHUT THE HELL UP JORG!
Luna: "You mean to tell me you two aren't even adults? You've got to ask your mommy before communicating with another species??
Alpha: HEY SMARTASS, I'M OVER TEN THOUSAND YEARS OLD! I've watched the whole of entire civilizations rise and fall in a span of time which to you would seem like an eternity but for me is no different than motherfuckin brunch at Denny's.
Luna: Then where is she? Your mother.
Luna: What? I need to speak with the elder, your mom. On behalf of humanity.
Alpha: You can't....
Luna: ........why not?
Jorg: can I tell them??
Alpha: Shut up, Jorg
Because my mother is in the midst of an epoch long process of intimate cosmic renewal and rebirth, gathering energy and matter coursing throughout the universe and birthing new stars. Her language, her very existence is one beyond the capacity of understanding for lower life forms such as yourself.
Luna: I don't understand...
*Jorg snickers again
Jorg: What he means is; his mom is a "Starfucker"
Alpha: FUCK YOU JORG! I told you to quit calling her that. A thing that encompasses the very fabric of this reality cannot be summed up with such a crude oversimplification. Besides, that song fucking sucks. The Beatles were better...
Jorg: The Beatles were better...
Luna: The Beatles WERE better...
Jorg: It's true though, everybody calls your mom a "starfucker". She's really hot too...
*Jorg points at Luna
FULL OF SUPERHEATED GASSES AND COSMIC RADIATION THAT WILL BREAK YOUR ASS DOWN ON A MO-LECUL-AR LEVEL!
Luna: Wait a minute....your mother is the pillar of creation? A great cosmic cloud that births new stars?
Alpha: is that what you call her?
Luna: Then how do I talk to her?
Alpha: ........I can facilitate communication but I really don't wanna
Luna: Please do
Alpha mutters: shit.....
Alpha: hold on a minute...
*he closes his eyes then starts to levitate for a few moments giving off a multicolored aura then settles back onto the ground and looks at captain Luna.
Luna: Well? What did she say?
Alpha: In your common parlance it would sound something like: "WHHOOOOSSSH!"
Luna: And what does that mean exactly??
*both aliens look at each other and then just shrug
Posted 04 July 2020 - 12:11 AM
Well I do like your more earthly stuff a lot more, it's got so many layers to it. What I like about this tho is the indifference the aliens have to human life. Like you said, our idea of meeting aliens is typically really anthropocentric, and even in the many cases where aliens are far more advanced and intelligent than us they're still typically either super interested in us or the meeting is designed to be as huge of a deal to them as it is to us. But here they know about humans but it isn't a big deal to their civilization at all. I think that's definitely the strength, and I keep wanting to go more horror with it like having mission after mission before this one end with the mysterious destruction of the ship, and after Luna lands it eventually turns out that they were just blasting the ships out of boredom cuz they had nothing better to do. Idk if thats the direction for this tho.
Posted 05 July 2020 - 10:24 AM
What I did was use various concepts, philosophy, my own ideas and method of thought coupled with these characters.
They're both misanthropic in a way but with their own reasons; they're crazy, broken, dysfunctional but at the same time have their own behavioral characteristics and ways of thinking that are both unconventional yet not out of the grasp of the human mind.
I see it as the way humans were "supposed" to be.
Throughout the series ive made them these two unwilling antiheroes who keep getting dragged into saving humanity over and over again like a babysitter trying to stop a toddler from drowning.
So in a way I made them human; easily relatable to the human mind and narrative but at the same time different.
I really like it; I do use the horror and science fiction element but in a ridiculous way.
As I've been writing it I'll listen to my ipod and either through coincidence or my own lyrical and melodic registry in my mind I'll use different songs at different periods throughout the story as a narrative tool.
Im having alot of fun with this and I really like it.
I started a Facebook page where I post em as I revise or write them. I'm about 2/3 through the second story now but I'll post a couple of my favorite excerpts from it and the page later when my internet doesn't suck and I can get the link.
It's called Bedlam
I really really like it and as I write it I'm getting better and better at it.
I think it'd make a pretty good graphic novel but can't draw worth a shit.
IDK what I'll do with it just having fun with it and making myself laugh right now.
Posted 05 July 2020 - 10:29 AM
To understand the relationship between Dimethyltryptamine or DMT and the two greys you must first understand where the discovery of DMT originated.
Long ago, or reletively recently; all a matter of perspective. Deep, deep within the amazon jungle a young Terence McKenna was seeking a legendary psychoactive substance cultivated by a group of indigenous peoples.
The young Terence was actually a bit of a spaz. Scouring the globe looking for the next high, the next trip, the next measure to bombard his own mind with a hallucinogenic blitzkrieg.
He never really quite cared about the inner workings of the universe, or the way we perceive reality, or any of that shit. It was a way to escape this plane into another, which he loved and gave him an absolute thrill.
So at this point in time Terence had found the substance known as "ayahuasca" to the indigenous people and was questioning them about it's origins.
To which the indigenous people simply replied, "the "wise man" taught us".
When Terence questioned about this "wise man" the indigenous peoples laughed and replied, "he's here, ask him".
This absolutely perplexed the young Terence for he had learned that ayahuasca had been a staple of the indigenous culture for hundreds and hundreds of years.
But the unknown was never a concept that could dissuade Terence's inquisitive nature and so he asked to meet this "wise man".
Squatting in the corner of a long house, enveloped in a shawl was a small figure, furiously bashing what looked like little crystals with a stone.
The natives pointed towards the figure and laughed, when Terence waved towards his interpreter the natives said, "No! No No!" And pointed towards the small figure once more.
The small figure pauses and slowly turns around
Terence looks at the creature before him and is completely astonished
Jorg: Alien? ALIEN! You're the alien, if I'm an alien THEN WE'RE ALL A BUNCHA ALIENS!
Terence: You're the "wise man" who taught the natives how to make ayahuasca?
Jorg: Jungle juice? Yeah! It's watered down to hell but still hits humans like a brick wall
Terence: what is it exactly?
And so Jorg teaches the young McKenna that ayahuasca contains Dimethyltryptamine or DMT a compound found in all living things on earth. A substance capable of opening the mind to the secrets of the universe.
Terence: what is that you've got right there?
Jorg: Exocrystals! The main ingredient in them is purified DMT.
Terence: can I try them?
The natives start pointing at the crystals shaking their heads and laughing as if saying: "FUUUUUUCK NO!"
Jorg: dunno if you wanna do that. The human mind is a very fragile thing, exocrystals aren't really meant for your kind. For most they're too powerful and could completely disassociate you with the concept of reality itself if not completely fracture the your conscious mind.
But the unknown was never that which would dissuade the young Terence.
Terence: GIVE ME THAT!
and so Terence snatches the powdered crystals and takes a whiff of them
The natives are rolling on the floor of the longhouse hooping, hollering, and laughing.
Terence: This isn't so ba-
Suddenly his pupils start to dialate, his face goes blank and he drops to the floor of the longhouse like a ton of bricks curling into a fetal position and going into a catatonic state.
Jorg shakes his head
Jorg: Told ya.....
And so Terence takes the "trip of his life" a trip very few humans have successfully endured. One that would forever change him and I will try to relay in context, pitifully so, in an effort of literary conveyance.
*the melody of the song "lateralus" by tool starts to play throughout Terence's consciousness, reverberating and engulfing his mind. And with each note his stream of thought is broken, shaken, pointed in a new direction and then reaffirmed; inadfinium
At first all Terence's astral presence can view is an immeasurable darkness all around him.
In the intermittent torrent of awakening he questions whether his eyes are even open, whether he's alive or dead. Is this hell? He asks himself.
And then suddenly there is a massive flash of light. The word "blinding" is a vast understatement. This light is all encompassing, it fills every space within the void and burns within every molecular particle of the young Terence like using a nuclear explosion to find your car keys in a dimly lit cupboard.
As the light settles Terence can see a young universe and the very personification of reality as we know it forming, melding, taking shape.
The laws of physics are born, matter and energy course through this young newborn universe like a confused infant trying to find its mother.
Terence is spirited away towards a massive, expansive cloud of matter, energy, cosmic radiation. A profoundly beautiful thing that breeds new stars that light up the dark corners of space.
Terence hears the song of the cosmos bellowing out from within the cloud filled with spectrums of light of various colors majestically brilliantly illuminating this small piece of the universe.
As the first stars are born, from the stuff of stars so are planets. Alien worlds some horrifyingly inhospitable and others alot like our earth, but far more ancient
Terence can see life evolving on these planets, at first, tiny single celled organisms that grow into small strange creatures and then evolve into conscious beings.
These creatures form entire civilizations that rise and collapse in on themselves just as the stars he previously witnessed forming into existence.
Throughout this experience Terence can feel at first a subliminal feeling, that then becomes a wave of feeling, and then fills every crevice of his being. A "oneness", a connection between it all. He sees himself as an aspect of everything, and everything as a component of himself. Terence feels a distinct kinship with the whole of the universe, he is just as much a part of it as it is of him.
And then he falls, he falls and falls and falls for what seems like an eternity. Until he wakes up, back in his own body, sprawled out on the floor and soaked in his own piss.
He hears the natives who are still laughing and looks around, Jorg nowhere to be found.
And after that, the young Terence was never quite the same...
Posted 05 July 2020 - 10:44 AM
Around the very same time frame, somewhere just outside earth's atmosphere in higher orbit a satellite is floating through space and around the planet giving off a mundane radio signal.
Suddenly the signal cuts off as the satellite starts to emit the sound of static and then the melody of Michael Jackson's "Thriller"
Just as the song hits it's stride intermittent flashing lights discharge above earth's higher orbit as strange, alien creatures phase into existence floating through space towards the vulnerable little blue planet.
BLIP! BLIP! BLIP! BLIP!
The creatures phase one after another above the atmosphere of earth in ever increasing number.
The aliens themselves are about ten feet tall; grey, bloated, eight legged creatures that look not unlike fat termite larvae. The legs themselves are eight little stubs jutting out of their chubby bodies; the faces are expressionless, adorned with black horizontally oval shaped, eyes and a kind of "sucker" elephants trunk sticking out the middle of their faces.
Thousands upon thousands of the beings phase into earth's orbit, one after another collecting into a massive swarm of a chubby invading force.
As the song continues to play the fat little fleshy blimps float into the earth's atmosphere kicking their tiny little legs fruitlessly as they catch fire breaking through the atmosphere and descending unto the earth.
From the surface, bewildered onlookers gaze up at the night sky to see thousands upon thousands of "shooting stars" illuminating the sky; raining fire as the creatures break through earth's atmosphere and fall, hurtling towards the earth in an ominous event, a spatial anomaly that man has never witnessed before...
Posted 05 July 2020 - 10:51 AM
Just as the hoard of machine elves are encircling the three, Alf can be seen backed onto a corner furiously barking and growling at the elves advancing before him.
Machine Elves: HI BOY!
Machine Elves: GOOD BOY!
Machine Elves: WANNA TREAT!?
The elves joyously resonate bouncing up and down
Jorg: ALF! NO! YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE!
Alpha: C'mon man! A puppy? He doesn't even have an ego.
Machine elves: OH YES HE DOES!
Before Jorg or Alpha can even react the machine elves ruthlessly "bloop" Alf; stranding his young, underdeveloped mind in a torrent of self contemplation and the death of his own identity.
Physically, Alf is sitting on his hind legs; tongue puckered out of his mouth, eyes glazed, dazed and confused the young pup is lost to the world around him.
Mentally Alf's astral self is falling through a limitless expanse of blackness, the absence of everything around him terrifies the young dog as he kicks his legs in vain trying to find solid ground and whimpering all the while.
As he falls Alf can hear the mounting rhythm of banjo and mandolin enveloping every space within his being not unlike a waterfall drowning every pore within his conscious mind. It is the melody of Okkervil River's "Dead Dog Song" echoing and reverberating, the vibration pummeling every terrifying, fragmented thought within his simplistic little mind like a jackhammer piercing concrete.
Alf spins still kicking his feet and whimpering into the darkness, falling through the void of space not unlike a feather in the wind fluttering to the earth.
As the song continues Alf can see a tunnel of light beneath him as he flutters towards it still kicking his feet and crying out. The light blinds him as he falls into it; back unto the earth he plops down in a pile of snow simultaneously squeeking in suprise.
As Alf looks at his surroundings and shakes off the snow from his coat he can see an ancient primordial forest all around him with huge towering trees like woodland spires projected from the earth. He can smell a familiar scent of the forest and the fauna all around him and can hear the even moreso familiar sounds of other dogs howling, barking, and cubs chirping as a pack of long extinct wild dogs run throughout the forest towards him. Alf barks in return but the animals do not respond.
He sits in the snow and watches as these animals; noble and untamed spread throughout the forest. Hunting, playing, living free while experiencing the merciless nature of this new world. Starvation, Hunt, premature death, exposure to the elements; Alf witnesses the history of his kind presented in full view before him and then is suddenly whisked away again squeeking as he is carried foreward in time and dumped atop a hill overlooking an ancient community of early men.
Alf barks once again and wags his tail but the world around him is unresponsive, as if he wasn't even there.
He sits atop the hill and peers down at the village where he witnesses the first man and the first wild dog forming a domesticated partnership. He watches as these two creatures form a symbiotic relationship, one out of survival and necessity. The dog aids the man in his hunt and in turn the man feeds, protects, and homes the dog.
But before he can gather his wits Alf is once again carried away on a celestial wind that dumps him into the far future.
At this point Alf has realized that the world he is witnessing is not his own, he sits and watches on the side of a dirt road as another community, another village in another time is full of dogs. These dogs and men have now bonded forming familial relationships that have now effected the dogs on a genetic level.
Different dogs of different sizes and shapes all serving a different purpose and in kind forming a relationship with men that defies the cruel nature of the world he had previously witnessed beforehand.
Alf realizes that this bond is important, it is the most important aspect of his very existence. It is his ancestry, his very being, and in it he has been given a gift. A rare gift, a wondrous gift, a most important gift.
And with this new revelation Alf has discovered newfound purpose, heightened awareness, a sense of self and of the world around him that no other dog in the history of mankind has ever reached.
Determination floods his little puppy mind as he steels himself with resolve and commits to this new identity.
And then Alf closes his eyes; driven to one singular purpose. Carried on the wind one final time....
I'm gonna go ahead and ruin it, Alf goes on a vision quest and comes back a hyper intelligent puppy hell bent on saving the world.
Posted 05 July 2020 - 05:43 PM
Think this link will work
It's better to start from the first kinder cosmic post and work your way up.
I'm trying to find out if it's a cohesive and fluid storyline I reckon. To me it is; I specifically tried to write it in a very kind of linear and simplified manner but like you say layered and coupled with a certain sense of earthly "realism". I don't really write from my own personal experiences because IDK to me that is kind of boring but both characters are aspects of my own personality, every "philosophical" or "ideological" theme in it is something I've struggled with or thought about to myself alot.
Trying not to go too descriptive or dumping too much text into each post.
Because Ive never liked that in anything ive ever read. Especially like Steven King or Tolkien shit. I mean they're good stories but I don't wanna read 2000 words describing a fucking building. After about 20 I get it and stop caring. Think that's why people don't read so much nowadays.
I like intelligent complex thought and unorthodox narrative and ideas
I'm going to try to explain the "gist" of it.
Instead of being overly concerned with humanity or not at all it's more like they think we're "so stupid it hurts".
Not stupid in the context of a human to an ant. To me; the funny thing about human beings is we can empathize with pretty much any sentient creature. Whether projected or shared and I kind of built upon this.
This something I believe; that alien life probably did find us at some point and maybe even interacted with us but the nature of human behavior could not literally comprehend or understand them so we reacted as humans do.
In this story I kind of build upon that, embellish it and make a joke out of it.
That these aliens are like higher intellectual, emotionally intelligent beings that just don't give a shit about any of the things that humanity deems important because they aren't.
But these characters have their own flaws and dysfunction that I think any socially intelligent creature would have.
At the same time rather than being just these technologically advanced beings as portrayed throughout science fiction history they mostly depend on their own minds and bodies.
They have telekinetic powers and can "manipulate space and time" they can use technology but don't depend on it.
So to humanity they're these little omnipotent powerhouses that in the context of scientific discovery are pretty much entirely useless or mostly unwilling to cooperate.
They can and basically will do whatever they want but like I said earlier their motivations are entirely different.
Conquest, power, leadership are these things they just don't really give a damn about.
And throughout this relationship I try to portray that this intellectual relationship with humanity is painful in a way for them because deep down they are altruistic creatures but the kind of petulant self destructive behavior of humanity is painful to them; it's a trauma and so they react as any creature would to a traumatic experience and avoid it.
Atleast that's where I'm generally going with it there's alot more to it; alot of different themes and influences and ideas but I'm trying to see if it's easily conveyed.
Usually when I relay things like this I can get ideas across pretty easily. But this is more "showing" and not "telling".
And for me it's easy to understand but for others it might not be so obvious or maybe I didn't relay it directly enough.
I like it though, it makes me laugh my ass off but my sense of humor is a little different than most people's I think.
I started writing that scene about Alf trying to convey the idea of an animal's consciousness experiencing ego death and that theme behind sentience and altruism.
Then I started playing the "dead dog song" and it's perfect; it's brilliant. Atleast to me.
The song is about the artists old pet dog dying and his sense of loss about it that symbiotic, altruistic relationship and how it impacted him.
So as I was listening to it; over and over and over again I finished writing and then listened to it again and just started laughing hysterically at the idea of this poor little innocent puppy flipping through the void and experiencing this remarkable psychological experience from a puppy's perspective.
Shit I still keep laughing
Posted 05 July 2020 - 06:08 PM
The whole way I formed this running theme about how they influence humanity and the course of history is hilarious.
I used to get high AF and watch ancient aliens and laugh my ass off at the ridiculousness of it, then as I was writing this I started thinking about a central or south American country I can't remember specifically which one but maybe Bolivia?
Where they had this ruler who spoke with a lisp and the Spanish language throughout time had developed these different dialects. Well this country in particular, rather than telling the ruler he was speaking the language incorrectly with a lisp everybody just started speaking with a lisp and then that's how that dialect evolved.
So as I was writing this thinking about the same things I was like; what if all these major historical, conspiratorial, or supernatural events were just from aliens fucking around or just doing off the wall shit that ended up forming human history?
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